I Am Friend
The dreaded “on Wednesday’s we wear pink” girl crew…… We either were them or we wanted to be them.
When I was young, I was desperate to be a part of this group, but for some reason lunch tables seemed to have “assigned seating” and there were never “enough blankets” for me to attend sleepovers.
I never felt enough. I hated my body, my voice, my hair, my clothes, you name it – I hated it. Finally 6th grade rolled around and I thought I had made it in the club! I never had the name brand stuff they had, but I would get the knock offs to try and fit in with their coordinated clothing days. Some days would get “switched up” without me knowing and I would end up wearing Monday’s outfit instead of Thursday’s, but I did my best!
One day I was sitting at my desk and one of the girls came up to me and handed me a letter with all of their names on it with hearts drawn all over it. I was so excited to read this note from my “friends.” They all sat there and watched me read the letter. “Stop trying to be us and wear all the same things as us. Our friend group is closed. You are so sweet!” I looked at them trying to keep this “sweet” thing together long enough to get through the day. I thought I was doing it right! I thought I was “one of the girls”. Now… now, I wanted nothing to do with even the thought of “friends”. The pain of rejection built walls of self-protection around my heart. I thought the walls would keep me safe, but they only kept me from experiencing the true joy of friendship.
Slowly (and I mean slowly) I began to trust again, love again and be willing to take a risk at exposing my heart to be a friend again. Years later I was asked to share my testimony at an event. The thoughts and emotions flooded my mind like it was yesterday. I wasn’t sure where to start or what to share, but the moment I took the microphone God began to speak through me. Then my eyes locked… the very girls that had broken my heart so many years before were sitting there listening to how God had healed it. A new level of compassion, forgiveness, redemption and confidence flooded my soul!
Today, I look at all that God has restored and I’m overwhelmed by His goodness. I have friends that have become family. I am loved, I am accepted, I am whole and I am a friend to all. The enemy often tries to hurt us, exactly where the Lord wants to use us. Now my job and my calling consist of creating spaces at the table of small groups for people so they too can experience authentic friendships!
Don’t let the enemy trick you into thinking you don’t have a place at the table! Your name is there, and it’s been there since the very beginning!
“As for you, I’ll come with healing, curing the incurable, because they all gave up on you and dismissed you as hopeless – that good-for-nothing Zion.“ Jeremiah 30:17
~ Destiny Bartolomeo